urinatings:

*precisely determines where i should take the next bite of my sandwich*

(Source: secyass, via baracknobama)

wanksclub:

i hope all of this is a dream i’m having at the age of 7

(via baracknobama)

shego:

people who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can’t even finish the joke because they’re laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people

(via armadillo)

heliolisk:

bad people shouldnt be allowed to have clear skin or good hair or nice jaw lines or green eyes

(via sweet-oblivion)

"i’m sad and i want to have a lot of sex"
- me (via dontbeacunt-here)

(via obi-wanker-nobi)

whorville:

I don’t have the patients to be a doctor

(via crystallized-teardrops)

exhists:

i’ve been meaning to go on a diet for about 5 years

(via crrocs)

okxo:

looking at text posts and wondering why you didn’t come up with that first

(Source: continent, via unescapable)